It has happened to the best of us. You’re dating someone and everything seems to be going so well. Then all of a sudden, they disappear. They completely drop off of the face of the Earth with no trace, no clue, and no explanation.
If you were anything like me in my early years, then you immediately begun to worry. Maybe this guy’s in jail because a crooked cop mistook him for a mass murderer. Maybe he’s on the side of the road somewhere half-dead because he was in a car accident. Maybe he was abducted by a mafia who’s trying to hold him for ransom but they don’t know he ain’t got no money. In all those scenarios, I had assumed the worst but didn’t want to face the truth. I had been ghosted.
Ghosted, going ghost, or ghosting are all terms that define what happens when someone you’re dating disappears. Simply put, it’s the punk out way of letting someone know you’re no longer interested without having to let them know directly that you’re no longer interested. But we all do it. One day, you’re chatting like normal than the next day, you casually forget to respond to a text. Next thing you know, you’re bumping into them at Trader Joe’s 3 months later trying not to make it obvious that you don’t remember their name.
It’s uncomfortable to get ghosted and it’s rude to be the ghoster. Below are some tips and tricks to avoid being ghosted or becoming a ghoster
○ Keep the conversation going! The easiest way to get ghosted is by letting the conversation fade off. Never respond “ok” but put real effort into communicating in a specific and profound way. And if you can’t talk right then, say so and invite the person to connect with you later.
● Recognize that there are some factors that might put you on the back burner. New relationships rarely survive the big things like a family member dying, a relocation, or financial trouble and you’ll just have to accept that. That person ghosting you may not be because they are inconsiderate but because they have bigger things to consider. Let them know you are there for them and follow up a few days later but don’t make their lack of communication about you. Cause it ain’t!
○ If you’ve been ghosted, try compassion first. Let the person know you’ve been thinking about them and you’d love to connect when they’ve got free time. Responding aggressively or with an attack could take you out of the “I’m not interested” category and into the “They’re crazy” category.
● However, don’t ghost back. It’s perfectly OK to let the person know you were hoping for something more. Just remember that ghosting is immature and you don’t want to fall into the “sup, wyd?” cycle. So state your peace/piece but don’t sweat it. You’re too grown!
See, it’s simple! There’s no reason to not be upfront and honest with a person you’re no longer interested in or to let them know the circumstances have changed. But please don’t be that jerk who ghost people rather than having adult conversations. And, don’t sweat it if you’re ghosted. That person’s character is easily seen within the way they treat strangers.