This past weekend, I encountered 4 of my ex’s. Count em, 4! Men who previously had my heart, time, and attention but have since lost that spot due to various reasons (but that’s 4 whole other stories). I ran into two of them in person and the other two contacted me via social media. All four with a familiar agenda, *singing* They want that old thang back!
Even in my daily life, I’m noticing more men approaching me than usual and I’m getting more attention than I have gotten all summer long. Am I really that much more desirable? Well, sorta but only until Feb or May at the latest. Why? It’s Cuffing Season. That time of the year where the nights get colder and men get bolder and a warm body feels better than blankets. It’s science! Biologically, we began to crave the compassion of a person to occupy us during the cold winter months. Similar to what the cave men did. Even our bodies go into overdrive baby making mode. It’s dangerous this time of year! (Trust me, I know!)
There are those who embrace the call of the wild and seek out cuffing partners as bold as the tiny skirts they wear to the club on 30 degree nights. Others, naively believe the lies of old or new flames and find themselves prey to the pull of the cuff. Some folks are strong enough to fight it (Hooray for you *sarcasm*)
During cuffing season, it can be extremely difficult to navigate the waters of dating with so many false perceptions and lowered expectations. Don’t get caught looking stupid when your 3 to 6 month boo ghost you right before Valentine’s Day.
I’m no expert but here’s some advice to help you navigate dating during Cuffing Season.
Stay away from ex’s! Look, it ended for a reason and you need to remember that reason. Cuffing season is the perfect time for ex’s to sneak in to yout heart or pants because you’ll be so caught up in the romance and reminiscing about how it used to be, you’ll ignore the red flags. It’ll feel convenient but it’s a trap! Don’t get so wrapped up in what is that you doen’t even notice what isn’t… like resolved conflict. (Personally, I like to change people’s contact names in my phone to things like “Distraction” or “Sallie Mae” or “Satan”. No body answers when Satan is calling.). Avoid the ex’s.. unless til after New Years.
Get Occupied. The biggest victims of unproductive cuffing are folks who are too bored, too lonely, and too needy to navigate the months alone. They’ll make all type of bad decisions. But not you… because you have a hip hop spin class to get to or a weekend trip with your family to prepare for. You can’t waste time on weak cuffs cause you’re too busy being great.
Keep it casual. Sometimes, during cuffing season people make lightening fast moves. With all the holiday events and occasions to celebrate, you might immediately want to take your new boo with you. You may even feel the pressure (or joy) of gift giving and start making long term plans off of temporary feelings. Slow down! There’s no reason to make Christmas dinner plans when yall have been dating for 3 weeks. Christmas will be there next year and by then, you’ll know it’s legit. How long? Keep things casual until after Valentines Day. A man willing to date your right before Valentines Day might actually be interested in something solid so let him bite first if it’s the real deal. If not, then you won’t have gotten too invested into a bad situation-ship.
But, if you do decide to give in completely to being Cuffed this cold season, cuff wisely! Choose someone who you won’t be embarrassed by 2 months after it ends. Be safe and cautious. Don’t go all IG and FB crazy with pictures of your 3 month boo cause that’s just embarrassing. Who knows? Maybe your seasonal cuff will turn into your lifelong cuff (gosh, that sounds exhausting) but you won’t know if you’re being reckless.
Happy Cuffing… (or not if you’re smart!)