Love is Hard
Written by Paula G. Akinwole
Copyrighted for PGARTistry LLC

Loving me is hard, I heard

I suppose it’s no easy task

It takes work

For I’ve been broken long before I could even spell the name of my abusers

Twisted into molds and boxes that were built

To lock in little girls

Fold them into shapes that fit stereotypes and groomed her into a package easy accessible

I’m tough as nails

Not because I want to be 

But because breaking out of boxes

Sometimes

Requires you becoming the thing that kept you bound

I am tough as nails

Because I broke a few clawing my way out

I was cute when you met me

But opening my mouth, you saw I was a take-no-shit type girl

That was my warning

Don’t give me no-shit type girl

See loving me is hard

Not because I am hard to love

But because I will hardly love you if you don’t love hard

I am not to be played

Or manipulated or separated from myself

Not any more

Me, myself, and I are too in love with each other to break up

I did that once

Let someone write a script for who I should play

A prescription for the type of girl that was easy to swallow

I am not an easy pill to swallow

I come with luggage

Not baggage but supplies

And souvenirs from my journey

I shelve them in my sanctuary wherever I home

I sit at the altar of my exploits and sacrifice the spoils of perils

I overcame some shit

and I be damned if you attempt to love me without loving all the things that made me

And even the shit that broke me

Love me so deep when you see my ex’s, you get pissed too

Love me so full that when life squeezes you, you ooze me

Love me so honest that that you’re allergic to the shit that breaks me out

And I, in return with soften

My edges will fold inward and I will sphere for you

And I circumvent, spiral, whirl for you

Be careful though

You might get dizzy

Loving me

Might find yourself silly

In love with me

Might find yourself willingly

Making babies, creating art, building business, changing the world

For and with me

Loving me is hard, I heard

From men who weren’t as strong as you, 

My burdens made their knees buckle

But you knew that I didn’t need them carried, I just need to be cared for

We found a place for me to put them down

From men who weren’t as hungry as you

My hunger made them hurl

But you emptied yourself and always came back for seconds

From men who saw my sanctity as savagery

You appreciated my classy, bougie, ratchet 

So I reward you with my sassy, moody, nasty

Loving me is hard, I heard

But when we met

You became my landing place

The forceful, sharp, unyielding ground for me to settle on

You toiled your earth, turned the soil, and made opening for planting

You made promises too big to keep and you kept them

You made a whole woman multiply

You made a write woman righteous

You made a grieving woman rejoice again

And you did that shit like it was easy

They say I was too hard to love but now

I go hard when loving you