Casting Couch: A Poem by Diamond Legrande


What in the Shonda Rhimes is this!
Dats it! Dis tew much! Call my agent cuz I quit!
Y’all can cast my role to the next mulatto
Cuz ableep bleep dats all folks
Y’all can have this script
I did not sign up fa dis
Any of it!
So unless y’all planning a reboot with new writers and producers y’all can count me out
Something less Thursday night drama and more Saturday morning cartoons
This black women here is fed da fuck up of singing the blues
Like fa real
I mean…
Unless y’all want a mental breakdown in front of y’all beloved live studio audience
I suggest you pull out ya papers and pen and get ta rewriting this shit
Edge of ya seat my ass
This MY life in ya grasp
And I’ve had it up to here with whoeva’s bright idea it was to Truman Show my shit
And to ALL you “willing participants”
Y’all ain’t shit
At least run me my coins
Where the fuck is my check
Y’all been laughing and crying with me
But I ain’t been paid yet
Aren’t y’all tired of black women being depicted this way?
Where’s my protest and hashtag
Blacktwitter….uhmm heyyy!!!???
I don’t wanna be strong
Or relatable
Or a trend
Cancel culture can’t y’all put this to a end?
If you plot twist or surprise guest me one mo’gin
I’m burnin this bitch down
Fuck ya set, film crew, and dey friends
Even white women in lifetime movies get a break every once in a while
I worked too damn hard to have to fake a smile
Tyler Perry blues
C’mon 2020 dis ain’t the mood
So collect yaselves and do whatever needs to be done
Cuz ya gets no more chances to pilot this one

By Diamond Legrande

About Diamond and me:

Since we were teens, Diamond aka DMoney aka Dimey and I have been sharing poems via myspace, spiral notebooks, and most recently by text at midnight. Back in the day, we had the pleasure of being apart of the original cast of Henrico High’s Coco Cafe. She recited a poem about a young girl struggling to survive high school while being a teen mother… and then shocked the audience when she said “And that young girl… is me!” The audience wowed while the teachers rushed to figure out if her story was true or not. I did a poem about how our school had failed to give us proper support while grieving the loss of a classmate to domestic violence. After us, the school stopped letting students recite their original works and demanded poems be approved first. I like to credit Dimey and I and the rest of Coco Cafe class of 06′ with toppeling the pedagogy patriarchy.

As adults, she still sends me poems. Everytime, I’m always so in awe of the creative genius and gut punching surprises she laces within her poetry.

DMoney, keep writing chica! You got the stuff the world needs to hear!

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