by Paula Michelle Gillison

A few months ago, I did a reckless thing. With a reckless somebody. I know it was reckless because I went from being totally uninterested and disgusted by his advances to “okay, whatever! Let’s do it!” I’m positive neither one of us were really into each other. He is not my type and I’m not his… he’s vocally admitted on social media. However, on the night in question, we both needed a thing and we were both available to fulfill it.

After it was said and done, a bit of tension grew between us. It took me a while to figure out why… but after watching “Wine Down” with Issa Rae and Natasha Rothwell, it became clear. This was “Medicinal Fucking.” Yup, have you heard of it before? Cause I hadn’t! But it only took a couple of context clues and a high school education to understand what the phrase meant.

“Medicinal” meaning to have healing properties
“Fucking” meaning to have sex; usually apart from love
“Medicinal Fucking” meaning to have sex with the intention to heal oneself

Now, there are some proven health benefits to sex. It boost your immune systems, lower’s blood pressure and risk of heart attacks, improves bladder control, improves sleep, reduces stress, improves cardiovascular health, and burns calories! So clearly, being active is… being active.

However, “medicinal fucking” as it relates to the activities I mentioned earlier, were not that and is not what the term means! Medicinal Fucking relates to an emotional and psychological desire to feel better via sex. We know sex has a perfectly wonderful emotional fulfillment for people who are in healthy committed relationships. But what about those who are not?

I feel the need to mention that I think casual sex is fine. I really do! Sorry Mom! I believe two consenting adults can have casual, no strings attached sex, and still be healthy emotional people the next day. Needing of course the proper amounts of communication and understanding prior to the act.

But some people can not. Some people choose the wrong partner, the wrong situation, and the wrong techniques to address their otherwise frustrating situations. IE: Some people are tryna fuck their pain away!

An orgasm, like a good high or the perfect balance of buzzed and tipsy, can temporarily and scientifically redirect your brain’s thought process to ignore the stressful things and focus on the pleasurable thing. Unexpected touches and even light stokes are shocking and volatile to a preoccupied mind. They break up the monotony and stir your senses which can be extraordinarily wonderful to an emotionally wrecked person.

But just like a high or pain pills, when the pleasure has ended, the pain returns to its place. The person leaves and you’ve got to face the same situation as before, if not worst. Thus, medicinal fucking is a placebo with no real healing.

When my ex and I broke up, he cut me off. We spent months being in love and loving and then, he wouldn’t touch me. I was frustrated that we couldn’t just do what we had been doing even if there was no love. He explained that he never did anything meaninglessly (which was a lie) but I realized that I could. That particular relationship was borderline abusive and extremely unhealthy but I was perfectly content with having sex without love. Because I felt fine using him to avoid all the pain of what was no longer between us. I was medicinally fucking him while trying to heal from him!

The world is full of medicinal fuckers. There are clubs full of men trying to find their masculinity between someone’s legs or women who cure insecurities with one night stands. All left wrecked or damaged by the constant giving with nothing to gain.

I wish I could give you an alternative, a quick 123 step for how to deal, or even an out to the addiction of temporary pleasure to substitute deep-rooted pain. But honestly, you’ll need to put in work. I’ve fasted and had a bout of devoted celibacy. I delve into work and art and found hobbies. I’ve cut people out of my life and started doing some soul-searching. I know that sex is something I want to share with someone I love not someone I’m using.

So…. Medicinal Fucking? A real made up thing that I’m sure psychiatrist have a better word for. But for now, I’ll just urge you to be careful not to hurt someone else while trying to love yourself. And don’t hurt yourself either.

Painting by Gita Horva’th