Dear Steve Harvey

Dear Steve Harvey,
I feel like we’re on a first name basis so I’m gonna just call you Steven.
You’ve been making a lot of fuss …. about everything!
Even before I can remember the scratch of your voice against my femininity,
You were giving women advice and telling them what they should do or shouldn’t do for a man who could do but wouldn’t do.
Steven, you trippin!
Somewhere between Show Time at the Apollo and The Fighting Temptations,
you lost your damn mind.
Maybe it was that recess between marriage number 1 and marriage number 2….
Around the time when you started writing that dumb ass book about what women should do for a man who didn’t do
That you decided you knew better but clearly couldn’t do better.
Steven, you had us fooled.
Talking about “God ain’t thru with you yet”                                                                          
When maybe what you meant is that God don’t know what to do with you yet.
You suggested…                                                                                                                                
We think like a man while acting like a lady subsequently ignoring the fact that men have been screwing up this country since day one.
Tryna tell people how not to do wrong                                                     
You couldn’t even get the Ms. Universe results right… 
You thought we forgot about that?
It’s not that I’m trying to point out all your flaws                                                                          
I just need you to acknowledge that, like the rest of us,
You’re flawed.
And you aren’t qualified to tell women to do shit.

I once heard you give advice on your radio show.
You told a woman who had been raped by her boyfriend that it was her fault.
That she shouldn’t have gotten drunk.
History Lesson Steven:
Drinking has been legal since 1933.
It ain’t ever began legal to steal.

You said that boyfriends and husbands shouldn’t have to ask for sex.                              
That women should be ready and willing.
Math Lesson:
yes + yes = you get some.                                                                                                                    
yes + no or I don’t know or maybe so = you get none.

You said that men are so weak that they must always have the cookie, no questions asked.
Cooking Lesson:
My vagina is not a cookie but if you want to eat it, 
you keep your hand out the jar until I offer you some.
Steven you got us, women, all the way fucked up
with your cheap suit collection having,
failed dating website making,
place holder til Ellen Degeneres comes on- tv show hosting,                                                                
Green-dot card swiping,
talking out the side of your neck and cooning for Trump looking ass-
We, the women community, don’t want none of your misogynistic backwoods advice
And are seconds away from trading your ass for a Chinese man-
cause I heard what you said about how nobody wants a Chinese man-
Correction Steven,
Nobody wants your ass
I’m surprised you didn’t learn any of this while earning your psychology degree…
————-wait, you didn’t do that.
I meant while you were having an honest conversation with wife number two about having feelings for wife number three before messing around on her
——- damn, your cheating ass didn’t do that either,
I meant while you were talking to women before giving advice to women to learn more about women,…
—– Steven, how did you end up in the sunken place?

Oh that’s right, you would tell me but according to your stupid book,
if I really want something from a man, I’m supposed to wait 90 days.
I’m really wishing you the best in your next ventures Steven
though I’m glad they cancelled your show
It was painful to watch… you.

I ain’t sorry!

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