My coworkers laugh as I tell them about my guy friend. He is upset because we haven’t transitioned into more than friends. I explain the details of this constant uncomfortable conversation to my coworkers.
“You and I should just be together. We always with each other, I love the way your cook, you support me when my baby momma won’t, we’re such good friends. We’d make the perfect couple.”
The dude co-workers reply, “You friend zoned him!”
While the lady co-workers respond, “Why is he doing the most?”
They are all right! He is in the friend zone and he’s also doing the absolute most!
In my opinion, the friend zone is a beautiful place to be. It’s full of late night conversations, humarious interactions, and genuine loyalty and support. Don’t forget the food; yes, I’ll cook for you. Hello? You’re my friend!
It’s not the hate-zone, the enemy-zone, the associate zone, or even the FWB-zone (that’s another conversation). I actually consider you my friend. Why is that a bad thing and why can’t you respect it?
As silly as it may sound, the friend zone is a real place and many folks feel trapped in it. For the person who’s in it, it’d be described as the space after “just-friends” but before “relationship.” For the other person… you’re just regular old-buddy pal friends! The friend zone is one sided because only one of the person’s feel trapped. The other person is typically content. But there is no reason to feel trapped. This friendship is yours to maintain or yours to let go!
Don’t get me wrong, some times you are truly being strung along. (Read my post on toxic relationships: https://wp.me/p4ZL3n-gU)
But the bigger question is: WHY AM I IN THE FRIEND ZONE? There could be multiple reasons but you probably won’t like this part….
1. I See You…
You’re nice and all and have always been a great friend to me …. but I see you! I see how you treat the others you’ve been with. I also see how you act right now in your singleness. You’re supposed to be dating her but we’re constantly having the me + you conversation. I can read between the lines of what you’re feeding me. And I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with that person.
2. I’m not interested…
I recognize you’d like to be more but I don’t want that. You’re not my type, you’re not what I want, I don’t think I’d ever be intimate with you. I’m just not interested in you on that level. I’ve been trying to hook you up for months.
3. Our friendship is important…
I love what we have and I never want to lose it. If we tried it and it didn’t work, we may not recover. I’m not willing to risk that.
Look, don’t take being in the friend zone as the negative place. You’re valued and appreciated for your role in my life. I’m asking you to respect it. And don’t hold out for the future, there’s heartbreak in them hills!
But if you’re going to harass me about it then there’s another zone for the less-desirables. It’s called the Hell No Zone! Don’t stress or complicate what we have by becoming THAT GUY! It’s okay to express yourself but once I say no, let it go.
Say it with me: ONCE I SAY NO, LET IT GO!
Put this on your facebook wall! Or if you need to be more direct, text this article to whoever is giving you a headache because they have a crush on you. You know what they say about crushes? You eventualy get crushed by them!
I hear you. But women really need to just be more upfront about what they want.
But agreeing to be friends IS telling you want I want… friendship!