Oh, yes I’m going there.
Cause your preferences are prejudices and you probably hate yourself!
Okay, maybe that was harsh. But hear me out …
I’m sure this is just one of many think pieces you could read going down the rabbit hole of Kanye and Donald Glover madness. So I won’t waste too much of your time with the same ol’ rhetoric. But I don’t think it can be easily ignored that both men, in very different yet powerful ways, are boldly discussing race relations and the current political climate of our country… while going home to non-black women. This isn’t the biggest issue in essence. However, as a black woman, I’m often forced to wonder if what I’m seeing is A. a person who dates every race yet the wheel of are-you-the-one landed on their current spouse or B. a person who purposely dates a certain race or has pre-disposition to not dating black women.
Rather than explaining further, I wrote this nice comparative analogy to help me explain to you what I mean.
Meet the color Blue!
Blue is my all time favorite color.
I prefer blue in its darkest shade… midnight.
I wear blue shoes, blue jewelry, and blue hats.
I would be perfectly fine if I had to wear blue everyday for the rest of my life.
My closet however is not all blue.
I have reds, greens, purples, orange, and plenty of multi-colored pieces.
I will gladly wear whatever I want to wear from day-to-day.
However, blue still is my favorite color and will always hold a special place in my wardrobe.
I’m not a huge fan of yellow though.
I’m kinda feel like yellow just doesn’t mesh well with me.
But, I once ordered this t-shirt in blue that came in yellow by accident,
And I decided to give it a try.
I was pleasantly surprised because it was so comfy and flattered me way better than I ever imagined.
And, my yellow shirt went great with my blue jeans!
So, my mind has changed about how I feel about yellow.
I now have a few yellow items in my closet.
These days, when it’s time to get dressed, I still go straight for my blue!
It’s my favorite, what can I say.
And even though I haven’t worn yellow lately at all,
you’ll never hear me say I refuse too.
It’s just, I really love blue!
But I can appreciate yellow.
As a woman of color, I don’t get too bothered by white people who refuse to date black people. Many of them were raised in environments where we were stereotyped, ostracized, and presented like sub-human. That level of ignorance has to be unlearned. I’m just not interested in fighting the power in my own home.
But there are few things that makes me want to explode more than hearing a black man say he doesn’t date black women. Colorism aside (cause that’s a whole other post), I am brought to the brink of anger and tears by black men who stamp rejection across the entirety of black women.
1. How can you label a few billion people with the exact same character flaw? That’s just ignorance at it’s finest.
2. How you can purposely reject what is your exact counterpart while yourself being the very creation of it?
I’m not trying to be extra woke-ady-woke but there is this deep ancestral connection I feel to the black man. Look at what we’ve gone thru together! Our people are survivors of the biggest man-made terror to happen to humanity, how could we possibly reject each other? How can there be any division between us when we spent so long trying to come together after being forcefully pulled apart.
Unfortunately, I’ve had to listen to a black man tell me it was too hard being with me. The words unsubmissive, sassy, loud, and attitude were thrown around. I recently saw him with a woman who had adopted black woman culture and attitude while being just the right amount of non-black to appease him. It made me realize that with all the black sisters, black mommas, black grandmas, aunties, and cousins, some people can never learn to love and appreciate us until they love and appreciate themselves.
I’m currently having ongoing conversations with black men who don’t or haven’t dated black women. I look forward too presenting my finds to you at a later date
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