Someone recently asked me if my [body] fat was preventing me from having the type of romantic relationship I desire.

I have to tell you, I was asked this while snuggled up with a buff, work out 5 times a week, eats apples for fun, girls look twice at him and I’ve had to explain I’m not his sister type of man. And though the question had the potential to be excruciatingly painful, him mentioning or commenting on my weight…. it’s a question I’ve asked myself so many times before ever he fixed his lips to ask it. It didn’t hurt me. 

Is my weight preventing me from having the love I want? 

Big women just like smaller women, get the attention of all types and ranges of men. There is no shortage of guys in our line than in a smaller women’s. On a weekly basis, I’m flattered by men who find me appealing, want to know more, or strike up a fun flirt. For some, it is a fantasy fetish to be with an oversized amazon woman like myself. For other men, he see’s our beauty just as effortlessly as he see’s Beyonce or Halle Berry. That man recognizes a worth far beyond the physical. A better man will see the physical is a plus not just an oversight he’s choosen to ignore. 

Being plus size certainly comes with its own insecurities. Though I never had a man tell me he’s not choosing me because of my size, I’ve experienced the rejection associated with a man who loved me behind closed doors but brother-loved me in public. He’s the type of man who will invite you to dinner at his home but not a party with friends. He will complement your beauty by pointing out what he likes rather than praising your all. He tells you what he thinks you look good in or suggest something you can do differently.  And at moments like that with these guys, I know that a smaller me wouldn’t have to deal with the emotional harassment nor worry if this guy’s gonna stay around. 

Being a plus woman isn’t easy. We can’t dress whatever way we want without people having an opinion. I have seen plus women be told something is too short or too revealing while a skinner woman gets a pass. Plus women also can’t eat carefree without scrutiny especially not in public. Every second plate is looked upon with disdain and every desert is not without condemnation.

Plus size women are the biggest yet most invisible person in the room.

I am unapologetically fat. That is, I make no apologies or excuses for my weight. People have told me I shouldn’t be. Not to be proud of this body or act like I don’t want to be skinner. But those people fail to realize that fat women are survivors too. Mothers, friends, lovers, sisters, etc who’ve all fought fat shammers, abusive men, high school even… to ask us to live a life of depression and shame and not to love ourselves and our bodies is asking us to stop existing until you deem us worthy. 

Uh… FUDGE YOU!

But back to the topic of men, even on this current journey, I have every intention of getting healthier for a man. Hear me out! If I ever met a man who I was ugly stupid crazy in love with and he was stupid crazy ugly in love with me too and we decided to be together, I’d want to give us the best life possible. I’d want to give our kids the best life possible. That’s a healthy hearty healed life. I’d expect the same from him! No different than asking asking him to quit cigarettes or not let work stress him out, overall healthiness would be a priority in living a long and beautiful life together. So currently I’m pushing myself to go the gym 3xs a week or more and eat better. We’re going to love our best lives. 

Does that equal skinny? For me, never! I hope to always be considered a beautiful thick plus woman. I mean… look at me! The man who chooses me must love me @ 300 as he’ll love me @ 180. 

But speaking on “desire” for Mr. I like you but I usually date skinny girls… I desire a kind, funny, intelligent, handsome, strong, hard-working, Jesus-loving, money making, creative and passionate, etc type of man and since God grants me the desires of my heart, I guess your only concern should be why am I here with you? 

Check the pictures for a reminder!