Cuffing season is in full swing and people are starting to pair up all over the places. Some of these relationships will be over by Valentine’s Day and others will last until summer (cynical much? I know). Either way, the thrill of new love is in the air and everyone has the bug. But what do you do when you see that fly something special you’ve been eyeing all week standing alone by the water fountain looking like a hostess snack cake…. Shoot your Shot!!!

Let me tell you about the last few weeks of my life and my journey into shooting my shot! As a woman, meeting new guys can be difficult. It is expected that we stand pretty while men make their way to us. It’s also slightly taboo for a women to be aggresive when letting a man know she’s interested. Men might be intimidated by the baby phat jeans and boots with the fur. Or maybe, time and circumstance are preventing you from having long and meaningful connections. For me, it’s mostly my outgoing and over the top personality. It scares people (but people secretly love it too!) No matter what the reason, I do not believe a woman’s place is simply to sit by and let life happen to her. Sometimes, you just gotta grow some… breast and shoot your shot!

It all started a few weeks ago while having dinner at Friday’s. My best friend Donovan and I were both interested in waiters that were bring food to our table. The guy I was feeling was a chocolate tall waiter with a bald head and a black panther chest while Donovan was eyeing a big booty-ed bartender. The goal was clear. Which of us was bold enough to shoot our shot, to holla, to get them digits? After some back and forth banter and some heavy flirting, I ended the night by slipping my number to the waiter with a little note “Let’s continue this conversation sometime.” I felt empowered! I hadn’t given a guy my number without prompting since 2006 and wow, did it feel great . I told myself Who cares if he calls or not! As least I won’t wonder “what if?”

Well, he never called! (Womp womp) But it didn’t matter, the ball had started rolling and I felt sassy! Over the next few weeks, I found myself being just a bit bolder when encountering guys I thought might be worth getting to know. The confidence seemed to be contagious. Left and right, guys seemed to feed off the strong energy I was giving out and were shooting their shot in a new and bolder way. I got called beautiful, sexy, and Daaaaaaaamn girl all in one day! The men were responsive to my new-found confidence and I liked feeling in charge of living my best life.

Shoot Your Shot :

A urban colloquialism that is defined as “letting go of your pride to pursue someone you are interested in.”

This principle of being bolder and more confident became a little scary when I found myself crushing on the driver of my 5am ride. (The true definition of Zaddy!) I really would have to let go of my pride with this one! Crushing is different from simply being interested. Crushing usually entails having learned something about the person that makes you surer the two of you would be like peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Every day, I would see Bus Driver Bae and I was never able to make eye contact. Even the stinky guy on the back row encouraged us to interact and not miss this opportunity! When I finally did, those hazel eyes struck a weakness in me that was only intensified by the crappy roads of Richmond, VA bumping under my feet. Week to week, we had exchanged compliments but I never had any boldness to hand him my number or let him know I was interested. That Friday, on a bus full of people, I decided that it was now or never. Paula, shoot your shot! So I wrote a quick little note and on my way off the bus, I slipped it to him and ran! You’ll never guess what happened next!

Growing up, I was the girl who would walk over and say “Hey, my friend thinks you’re cute,” but I always hated when people did that to me. Dude, don’t send your friend over here. Come get rejected yourself! Seriously! The fear of rejection, I supposed is typically the reason why most guys don’t approach girls. The fear of looking thirsty is probably why most girls don’t approach guys or at least, we’ve held on to these antiquated southern ways that means a guy must approach us first. And some women truly want to have an organic “He who finds” encounter… and that’s cool!

(I’m getting to Bus Driver Bae, hold your horses!)

In one final step into Shoot Your Shot month, I did one more thing! A stupid thing! Per a Facebook prompting, I sent a text to every single man in my phone and asked them on a date. The results below:

(Person I’ve never even hung out with)

My boldness might have gone a bit overboard but taking charge of my life, not living with “what if’s”, and giving every moment my absolute genuine best is one of my life’s moto. I was utterly surprised that no one totally crushed my self-esteem. (THANKS FELLAS!)

Oh, you still wanna know about bus driver bae? Well, I saw him again about a week later and his response “I’m flattered but… I’m married!” Ohhhhhhhhh, shot missed! Not too bad though; rejection by circumstance is better that rejection by “wtf”! At least I know it wasn’t because he wasn’t interested. (Married men are a hell no.)

The story doesn’t end there though! As I was getting off the bus, a guy stopped me. A tall built exotic  beautiful creature (Yall know I love long hair!) “I think you’re beautiful and I was wondering if I can have your number?”

Well yes Papi, you can!

Point of the story: Shoot your shot!

What’s the worst that can happen?