You ever have a serendipitous moment that blows your mind. What about a week? A month? Yeah, I had a full blown serendipitous 4 months and my life is forever changed. The story I’m about to tell you is true. Some details have been changed, ya know the deal! But really, this is how it happened…..
It started with a text. I was having a silly little conversation with a friend who was leaving for California and I jokingly told her, “Bring me back a cute surfer boy.” Her response was one I didn’t expect. Especially because this is my running joke and it’s usually met with “If I can find me one first!” She responded however, in a most dramatic yet eloquent way, “…. pray for God to send you one….”
WHAT? I caught a lil attitude with her. Don’t you think I’ve been praying for a…. wait! No, I haven’t. I hadn’t prayed about this is years and hadn’t updated my list of Things I Want in A Man. Honestly, I just let the chips fall where they may when it comes to meeting guys and typically date a jerk for a few weeks before moving on.
So with that little unction, I sent a quick and very demanding petition to heaven:
this last year of my life has sucked. But you already knew that. I think I deserve a break! Can you please send me something to do with my heart?
Thank you! Love you! Amen!
Well… there must have been a messenger angel in my room who wrote down them very words, put them in a golden envelope marked urgent, and express flew it to heaven. And then told God that I meant business because the very next day, I met Richard.
I was at a poetry venue about 9pm but not really moved by the poems I was hearing. I was angry at life, sneaking shots of rum out of a flask in my back pocket when a chocolately little man walked up to me singing my praises. He said he enjoyed my poems and was a fan. (ding ding ding!) We talked for hours. He wasn’t my usual type but our connection was undeniable. He knew my heart because I left it on stage and I knew his because he shared it with me. The thing that intrigued me most about this man was his honesty. He was a recovering drug addict and I was a heart broken woman. That night set the precedence for what would grow into love.
That relationship only last a few months. In that time, I expressed myself to another person in ways I never imagined I could. I told him things that I reserved only for my secret thoughts and shared with him my deepest desires. He taught me about his process and was vulnerable with his soul. We practiced celibacy; at first due to health concerns and then by choice. It was the first time I thought it truly possible to be intimate without intercourse. He treated me like I was priceless, gifted me with physical gifts and with knowledge. And he cooked… a lot! I battled with myself though. My vanities and insecurities played out in various fashions and I often struggled not to just disappear from him and from life. He loved me through the brokenness and the tender spots. I however needed to handle those things alone. Unfortunately, our relationship crashed and burned. By the end, he was back to the drugs and I felt I had outgrown the need for a partner.
It’s interesting to me however, how God granted me the desire of my heart. I like to think he had pity on me. Understood that I was feeling terribly alone and gave me 4 months of companionship, growth, and understanding. When it was over, I asked God “What now?” and why he gave me a love that he knew I couldn’t keep (or handle at that time). His response: It was good while it lasted and now it’s over.
And it’s the truth. There will always be seasons of life that are necessary for that time and that version of you. And when they are over, the seasons, gather the spoils of war and keep it moving. Learn, understand, grow!
PS: f you’re curious about the pearl, just ask!