As I gear up to finish some projects that I can’t wait to share with you this year, I wanted to share a poem that’s sitting on my heart right now. I hope you like it.
Title: Churned
Author: Paula Gillison- Akinwole
After a childhood full of old fashion tragedy
I tucked into a friendship with God
Whispered His name for comfort
Let Him walk before me into every room
Always scared of what He might find waiting
Always confident that He could handle it
When I no longer needed a friend,
God side stepped for me like a jealous lover
No boy could measure up
every girl was a jezebel in disguise
What was natural and human
Become an anchor for my own personal sacrament
After heart break and hurt
I folded myself into religion
For the black and white of it all
The this and that of answers and formulas
In a world with so much grey
The church be crimson-red stop sign
Folded myself into sanctification and indoctrination
Better believe I am sinful to be cleaned
Than innocent for the taking
Better believe they know not what they do
Than be so so innocent
After the awakening, I churned myself
Not into spirituality
But into floating
Into grey skies and cloudy days
Umbrellas for the downpour
Shriveled up edges and tear soaked socks
Needing to be made uncomfortable
Existing with no answers
Intently & Unapologetically
Fraught to feel something that doesn’t come prepackaged
I churned myself
Like a wringing of a dirty dishrags
Stomping of grapes:
I kinda like the wobble of my own end tables.
Would you believe someone came over once
wrench in hand and tightened it up
Damn if I didn’t like the way I wobbled
Damn if I don’t appreciate being a bit sturdier
For Lack Of Better Words 