I learned on TikTok that I might be addicted to stress hormones. What does that mean? I don’t really understand all of it but basically, my body’s resting mode is high-stress so I subconsciously choose tasks that keep it there.

And now that I am looking, I totally see it. Like the fact that I downloaded Grammarly this week and it’s redlining every fucking thing I type and driving me nuts. But have I uninstalled it yet? Nope! Or how summer school starts tomorrow but I just read the syllabus ten minutes before I started typing this knowing I’m gonna think about it all night long. I did at least manage to get to Walmart today so I don’t have to do it tomorrow morning even though I can’t stop thinking about what I forgot to get. Or how every time I think about this workshop I’m teaching at University of Richmond this week, my stomach drops but then I remember that I finished preparing for the workshop over a week ago!

Addicted to stress? Maybe!

There’s always something that needs to be done, written, cleaned, arranged, completed, submitted, uploaded, signed up for, paid for, undone, corrected, etc. Then there is who I have to be; the number of roles I’ll play this week alone… mother, wife, manager, author, director, teacher, student, patient, host, etc.

It’s been suggested I slow down and maybe toss a few things off my plate. I think not!
Addicted to stress? Sure okay whatever fine! FINE!

I’m sitting here eating healthy ice cream tryna decide if I should take off my Libre 3 blood sugar monitor one day early so I can take a stress-free bath or if I should put on one of those itchy sticky monitor covers that allows me to wash my butt without ruining a $30 a week piece of tech implanted in my body.

Also, I should probably make this week’s to-do list so nothing gets missed. Okay, let’s do that now ….
Ooops, I got distracted by a behind-the-scenes movies post.

But the list is done. Do I feel less stressed now? I don’t know. I wish I had a fancy machine that monitored my cortisol levels… Sorry boss, I would complete that report today but my monitor says my cortisol‘s at an 8 and I really need to get down to a 3. So I won’t be doing anything else today!

My therapist suggested I have a kit of things I can pull out when I’m feeling emotionally out of sorts like fidget spinners or soothing songs/ words (she had a really cool name for it but I forgot.). I figure I could so something like that for stress too. I just got a smaller purse so I can’t carry a kit with me but I’ve decided on a few low-stress activities I can include this week:
— Watch the Amy Winehouse movie. I fear it might suck but I’ll enjoy finding out.
— Finish putting up the house art. I can’t wait to find a place for all my treasures.
— Donate some stuff to the thrift store, the one for the kids not Goodwill.
— Paint the birdhouse you bought from Michaels. It’ll be fun.
— Mail off some letters to loved one’s. It’ll be fun.
— Paint the kitchen wall. It will be fun!!! (Will it though? )

Okay, I should probably get ready for bed now.
Tomorrow is… Monday. And you know Mondays can be stressful AF.
What would be a natural cortisol monitor?
I’ll count curse words. If I’ve reached 3 curse words in ten minutes, my levels are too fucking high.
Calm down bitch.
Don’t let this shit kill you!