I’m currently typing with chipped fingernail polish on my nails. To the right of me is my DIY nail kit, never opened. I bought it the first week of March. Then quarantine. With the way of my nail kit went my facial supplies, my razors, my makeup, any clothing that wasn’t a mumu, and my bra. Definitely my bra. For months, I haven’t had to get dressed, put on makeup, or spend any real-time on my appearance. Other than the occasional runs to the grocery store, there was no real reason to put on clothes. Heck, I was forgetting to put on deodorant most days.
Whatever you’re thinking about me right now, I don’t care. I was going thru a lot. Three deaths in my family, layoffs at work, and my health was taking its toll on me. The last thing I cared about was being pretty. And while I’m still learning to feel comfortable without all the stuff, I was more concerned about why I wasn’t radiating from the inside out. My writing was suffering, I was depressed, and I couldn’t find joy in much of anything. It’s not in the stuff, right? That’s what I asked myself. I don’t need sculpted brows and manicured nails to still feel powerful. Do I?
Okay, so what does Beyonce have to do with all of this? Let me start by saying that in my younger years, I was one of those people who said I didn’t like Beyonce. Don’t roll your eyes at me? It was cool to not like the popular thing so I was anti-whatever was number one. I read the gossip and believed the hype. It was me she was speaking to when she said “Y’all haters corny with that Illuminati mess.”
But as I grew into my womanhood, I couldn’t help but respect her womanhood. I mean, we all know she can sing. That’s why you stop at the third modulation of Love On Top cause you can’t reach that note. We all know she can dance. No denying that. LEMONADE changed the game for me. It was evident that Beyonce was not just a talented performer but a creative mind. When I watched HOMECOMING though….. I cried. I cry every time I watch it actually (once a quarter to be exact). Because something about Beyonce makes you proud to be black, proud to be a woman and reminds you of what hard work achieves.
Like me, she’s a mother who’s suffered a loss. She’s dealt with depression and weight issues. She’s had to overcome other people’s No to get to her Yes. When watching Beyonce, she doesn’t feel like some out-of-touch foreign celebrity. She looks like one cause that outfit could pay my student loans, but she feels like the dope homegirl who is using all the gifts God gave her. You can’t be mad at that.
I watched BLACK IS KING this morning. I was tempted to stay up til midnight but I wanted to see it with wide eyes (and self-care said to get some rest first.) There were some powerful and moving messages about being that is undeniable. From reminding me that I’m already everything (a reminder cause my momma been singing “already” to me for years) to encouraging me to push harder, Beyonce has become the big sister who wants you to succeed too.
So when I stop typing this, I’m gonna do my nails. I’m gonna wash my face, put on a soft beat, and get dressed. Not because I need that stuff to feel pretty. But because I’m powerful enough to make the choice. That’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned from Beyonce. Being a black woman is not a curse. It is who I am and it has its challenges But what I do with my black womanhood… that’s up to me. Today, this black woman is gonna post an article she wrote in one hour, do her nails, and enjoy her mini vacation.