Spelled with two C’s and two M’s… That’s for the girl who played the cash-grab game on the money hustle show and lost her chance at a thousand dollars!

I screamed at the radio, “Bitch it’s two c’s and two m’s. AC-COM-MO-DATION!”
In her defense, we do tend to pronounce it ah-com-a-dation.

Word of the motherfucking week! (Lots of cursing ahead mom, you know!) Cause it seems to keep coming up.

After having my therapist fill out the accommodation’s paperwork for school, she challenged me to tell her why I was being so hesitant about utilizing the things I need to make life work a little better for me.

I’ll take SHAME for 1000 please, Alex!

I can’t help but feel some-typa-way that my brain won’t just do the things I tell it to do. It kinda goes like this:

Me: Brain, can you remind me later to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer? I really don’t want to forget and they get stale.
Brain: Sure. BUT FIRST… send a memo of why you’re worthy of having anything good in life, then email me an outline of a few times you’ve actually done something well, follow that up with a voicemail singing a remixed gospel song where you replace “Jesus” with your own name, don’t forget to have an hour long panic attack about that cause you’re definitely about to get struck by lightning for that,…. oh and here’s a list of 12 other things that need to get done on the way to the laundry room THAT YOU NEED TO CLEAN.

She, my therapist, helped point out how my brain is on drugs! That’s why I’m fucked up!

No, she didn’t say that but there was a demonstration showing how my brain chemistry has been altered by life’s trauma and I need to be gentle with myself.

I mean, if I think about it… I’m using accommodations all the time.
At work, I use a talk to text option on my computer because my brain is thinking so fast, I lose track of my thoughts if I try to type it out .
Or I accommodate for my fucked up pancreas with insulin.
I wear glasses daily for my eyesight… and I even got paperwork for that on file with the school.
Heck, I’m accommodating my fat body by choosing the wide seats for my upcoming plane ride.

If I do have to get on medicine to help accommodate the changing pathways of my brain, should I be ashamed that I needed the extra help to overcome my mountain of mess or would I be more ashamed to keep being held back from greatness cause I’m afraid to take the help…

So in all my thinking about… accommodations… this is what I’ve come up with:

Two C’s… Cause I Can and Cause I Can’t! Whether my brain can’t remember that my taxes extension is coming due or can use a boost, it’s no harm in using more efficient tools to help me do the things I’m gonna do.

Two M’s… Message and Mess. Sometimes, I’m working on the goal and my brain is firing off a million messages at a time. It gets all messy in my head. Accommodations are to help me manage… oh shit, that’s another M!

I guess an upcoming blog might be about that journey… Paula starts taking meds so she can finally finish that novel. Best seller by 40 thanks to ….Alprazolam, Clonazepam, Diazepam, Lorazepam, Buspirone, Duloxetine, Escitalopram, or Sertraline! Oh My!