When Your Reputation Precedes You….
*edited October 7th 2025

Nobody likes a gossip, right?

That is to say that nobody likes it when someone is retelling a story without the details being fact.

But what if the intention is not to simply blabber about the details but to give the other person a heads-up?

What if it is, in-fact, my truth and I have every right to share it despite how it makes the other person look?

Would it then be appropriate for me to tell you what I heard, know, or have a suspicion of in hopes of keeping you from succumbing to the same fate?

Hell-the-fuck-yes!
(Sorry mom, but I gotta use my flowery language when I talk about this!)

As an artist, I’ve had many negative and even inappropriate experiences with other artists, promoters, and business people. Some, I’ve held close, recognizing that these are my stories to tell in my time. Others, I’ve blasted their ass from the roof top to anybody who’d listen. What Rhianna say about bitches having my money?

But the stories we hold close can also be the warnings that others need to keep them from danger. This goes beyond trivial or annoying concerns like: They’re never on time. They pay late. They are always unprepared. Sometimes, these stories are about the deep rooted evil that exist within people.

Don’t bring your children around them. Don’t trust them in a room alone. Don’t drink anything they give you.

The scary part is when the culprit and victimizer are revered and supported by the community. Telling the truth can get you banned, booted, and ex-communicated because the evil-doer is loved… how-dare-you talk bad about them? Pssh!

But these gossips are necessary! Might I say, brave and even principal for protecting the community. Cause what you know could save someone else from becoming a victim too. When you share what happened to you, it is not whining. When you share what another has given you permission to share, it’s not gossip. Further more, if I share what happened to someone I loved when dealing with that person, it’s a warning.

Side Note: I’ve done this. People have asked me about my experience with an artist I collaborated with. They wanted my advice on dealing with a situation. I, without telling anyone’s truth, shared what I knew, what I heard, and what may need to be considered. I say this to them, with the caveat that, these are my truths and what I heard. I encourage them to make their own determination. Because I recognize that in some cases, it may have just been an us-issue and not a them-issue. But I would hate for someone I care about to walk blindly into a situation not knowing there are rumors of danger ahead.

Jill Scot recently discussed (on the negative side) how people of talent and power thrive despite their wickedness. It’s true, as vile as that is. When a person is beneficial, their sins are often forgiven or forgotten by the masses because the masses decided that the benefit-for-many outweigh the pain of a few. So those victimizers become powerful. Their actions become a trope of misunderstanding and confusion rather than the deliberately inappropriate operations of a person who made a choice. They can and should be held responsible for that choice and how it impacted others.

And/ Or. When we decide that justice doesn’t need to be swift, doesn’t require action, and choose silence, then we freely make room for others to become victims too. I know that’s a harsh take but it’s worth considering. When we remain silent, others have no warning. Resting assured that God will handle it also requires sleeping on the potential to stop the perpetrator. Is it your responsibility? No, I don’t wouldn’t blatantly say so. But are you blameless, maybe not… I don’t know.

What I do know is that many offenders are repeat offenders and if we have the power to stop it, we should try.

I recognize the risk that could be. I’d encourage the truth-teller to find community to stand with them.

I’ll get vulnerable here.
I learned not to long ago that I caused harm to someone in my youth that affected their adulthood in drastically painful ways. Further more, I learned that silence and assumptions by me and others caused them to become a victim of the same person who was a known abuser. When they told me of my part in this, I was shocked and appalled. Not because I was being accused of contributing to their pain but that someone I loved held a truth that I had hurt them. I would never want to hurt someone in that way. My response to them was to apologize, examine myself, and make commitments towards being better. They gave me a compassion and forgiveness that they didn’t owe me for which I will forever be grateful. I gave them a dedication to learn from this and do better whenever called upon to do so. We don’t speak often anymore but that’s their right and as the victimizer, I respect every choice they make despite how painful it all is.

So now, when I find myself at a position in which the evidence of harmful and abusive behavior is present, silence is not my choice. I also take the lead from those most impacted by the harm meaning if they need me to pipe down, I do. I stand ready and in a position to be of service or support, but also… I warn any and everybody who might be subject to the same harms when asked. This ain’t gossip… it’s an alert! He will hurt you, don’t mistake his kindness for humanity, he has done this to other people.

What then of the reputation that person has earned?
Not your problem. Did they consider yours?
Should I feel any sorrow for how it impacts them?
You’re human, you can. But it’s not your burden to bear.
Should they be given the benefit of the doubt?
Consider your truth and if it deserves any doubt.
Innocent until proven guilty whilst still enjoying the fruits of the pain they caused others?
I think THE FUCK NOT and I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!